My Obsession With Comparing
I have this sick need to compare myself to every girl I see. Any time I see another girl, the first thing that goes through my head is, “Am I prettier than her? Is she skinnier than me? Is her hair a prettier color than mine?” And with anyone I know it’s the same thing. I’m constantly asking myself, “Am I smarter and prettier and thinner than my friends? Do people like me better than them? Am I as short as I think I am? Am I ugly? Am I dumb?” And the thing is, I know with all of my heart that I shouldn’t be this way, and theoretically it sounds great to not be. I know I’m smart, I know I’m a good person, I know I’m pretty, and I know I’m skinny. But I can’t shake this constant comparison compulsion. If I met someone else like me, I would say all of those things about me. But because it’s me I feel so ugly and unlovable when I look in the mirror. And whatever good qualities are being discussed, I always want to be the best. I know I need to stop, but I just can’t.