My Obsession With Comparing
I have this sick need to compare myself to every girl I see. Any time I see another girl, the first thing that goes through my head is, â€œAm I prettier than her? Is she skinnier than me? Is her hair a prettier color than mine?â€ And with anyone I know itâ€™s the same thing. Iâ€™m constantly asking myself, â€œAm I smarter and prettier and thinner than my friends? Do people like me better than them? Am I as short as I think I am? Am I ugly? Am I dumb?â€ And the thing is, I know with all of my heart that I shouldnâ€™t be this way, and theoretically it sounds great to not be. I know Iâ€™m smart, I know Iâ€™m a good person, I know Iâ€™m pretty, and I know Iâ€™m skinny. But I canâ€™t shake this constant comparison compulsion. If I met someone else like me, I would say all of those things about me. But because itâ€™s me I feel so ugly and unlovable when I look in the mirror. And whatever good qualities are being discussed, I always want to be the best. I know I need to stop, but I just canâ€™t.