Things That I Hate

Immortal Cyclists

Those idiots who think they’re indestructible and that when they ride out into traffic, car drivers somehow develop the ability to bend space and time, thus allowing them to stop two tonnes of assorted metals and plastics travelling at a constant thirty miles per hour in two and a half feet.

Which, unsurprisingly to everyone who isn't a fixie-riding, hippie-’cause-it’s-cool, day-glo lycra-wearing, “I took modern philosophy, not physics” dipstick cyclist—doesn’t happen, and Little Brent gets knocked down.

Then he’ll post pictures of his “injuries” to the internet and decry the world’s dependence on automobiles and those who drive them.

News flash, Brent: You took on a car. You lost. Your injuries aren’t from the car, they’re from your own arrogance. Enjoy them, revel in them. Because every time you look at them in admiration, you’ll secretly know that you’re an idiot.

Experiment: If a bicyclist runs a red light, rides out into traffic and is hit by a car, who is at fault? If you said “The car, because car drivers are jerks”, you’re wrong and probably a cyclist. If you’re a road user, whether on bike or in a car, you obey the law. Would you go to the zoo and pick a fight with a bear? Probably not. But you’re okay with the idea that your 100 lbs + 20 lbs of bike can take on a car? Good luck!


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