The Book Twilight
I see lots of people complaining about various aspects of Twilight. Well, I read about half of the book. It’s written at a sixth-grade level. No, worse. It reads as though it were written by a sixth grader. In the diner, someone orders “chillie”.
I did not finish the book.
People Who Hate People Who Hate Twilight
Yes, people want to read and get lost in something. That is fine. However, when you get so lost in something that a girl will tell you “Edward Cullen wouldn’t do that,” a line is crossed. Edward Cullen is not real. He is a vampire. Vampires are not real.
Also, not only are girls completely obsessed, it seems as though almost all of America is. When you can’t turn on a TV without seeing a new show about vampires, another line has been crossed.
Twilight is fake. Sorry to kill your dreams.
People Who Misuse “Your” and “You’re”
It’s not that hard. “You’re” is a contraction. That means it’s formed from two words (in this case, the words are “you” and “are”). “Your” is possessive, meaning it shows belonging. Just read the sentence in your head before typing it, and if “I like you are shirt” doesn’t make any sense, fix it and stop sounding like a blatant moron. Similarly, if the statement is “your stupid,” and you don’t expect “my stupid what?” in retort, the statement is incorrect and I hate you for being alive.
There’s your first grade grammar lesson of the day. Hope you’re not too offended by my comments.
People Who Use Their Cell Phones As Boomboxes
I hate people who use their cell phone like it’s some sort of boombox. Do you think I really want to hear the latest song by Lil Flip or Lady Gaga? Better yet, do you think people care at all what you’re listening to? Put some headphones on if you really want to hear the song that badly and stop being so uncourteous.
Click to Enlarge
A website has a product you are interested in, but the picture is too small to discern any detail. Fortunately, there is a little zoom icon next to it to allow you to see a much larger view. Instead of a generously sized image, the exact same size image pops up in a window!
Irrelevant News Stories Treated As Breaking News
At the risk of sounding insensitive, my life will not be forever altered by such “news” stories as…
- David Goldman being reunited with his son, Sean, who was taken by his mother to Brazil.
- Amanda Knox being cleared or convicted of murder in Italy.
- Alex Romero recovering after having a bicycle brake handle removed from his abdomen.
I hate the fact that NBC’s Today Show or even the cable news channels spend so much time on no-impact stories like this where individuals are involved in interesting situations that affect no one else. I think its okay to report these stories—as I said, they can be interesting. But the fourth or fifth interview with Goldman saying he misses his kid makes me change the channel.
Loudmouths on Buses
I see you. I see you there on the bus screaming your chicken head off about how so and so boinked so and so. The entire bus knows Person A’s entire life story, thanks. If someone tells you something, do the courteous thing and shut up. There’s no need to broadcast it to the world. If everyone wanted to know, I think the person would have said something. This is a bus, a place for public transit. The public doesn’t need to know your opinion about the world and, honestly, I don’t think they really care. So please, when you get on a bus please shut the hell up or my issue of the Boston Globe will be imprinted on the side of your face.
Flies
The most generally annoying of all insects, the droning buzz of a fly veering off its course to circle around my head has me swinging my arms up in an often futile attempt to knock it away before it decides to burrow into an ear, nostril, or—worst of all—eye.
Possibly more irritating, however, are the ones who flaunt their fast reaction times by landing in the same exact spot I shooed them away from half a second earlier.
Sometimes they even seem to work in teams, each landing in different places so that while I chase one away, the others are left alone.
I hate flies.
Fox News
I hate Fox News. Fox News has brainwashed my grandmother.
She is convinced that Obama is the antichrist and is personally running an underground railroad to smuggle in Islamic terrorists.
In a recent conversation with her she said, “Fox News just tells you stuff you won’t hear from the other liberal media”, to which I replied, “Yeah, because it’s not true.”
“I could care less.”
Well then, why don’t you?
If you are perfectly capable of caring less then go ahead and care less. The proper phrase ought to be “I couldn’t care less.” Thereby you are emphasizing that you are already at the absolute depth of apathy towards the issue in question.
Twilight and Its Fan Girls
I can’t say I hate the movie/book Twilight because I think the story line sucks. I hate it because of the fan girls. At one point I almost thought about reading it, but the fan girls took it way too out of control and I didn’t want to be an annoying fan girl. So I didn’t even make an effort to watch the movie or read the book. And Bella and Edward seem way too perfect from what I’ve heard, which makes it sound even more ridiculous than I already think it is.
People Who Change Their Opinions To Suit Yours
- “Have you seen that new movie?”
- “Yeah, it was great.”
- “I didn’t like it that much.”
- “On second thought, it wasn’t very good.”
If you need friends so badly that you will sacrifice your opinion, I pity you.
Websites That Won’t Go Back When Using the “Back” Button
Ever notice how some websites won’t let you go back without pounding on the back button four times in a row as fast as you possibly can? Those are annoying, but even worse are the ones that you click a link and to get back to where you were you have to re-type the URL, because no matter how many times you click the back button at lightning speed, it will not let you go back!
Noisy Chewing
I hate noisy chewing, especially any chewing with the mouth open. This aggravates me to the point that I can barely contain myself, and sometimes fail to. Gum chewing is especially irritating, as is hard candy-sucking, as everyone seems to do these things with their mouths open. Where I work, I am the only person, out of six employees, who chews with my mouth closed.
Fat People Who Wear Tight Clothing
Everyone has seen a three hundred pound woman walking down the street wearing something that seems to be meant for a 8 year old girl. No, it does not make you look better to wear tight clothes if they don’t fit. The purpose of wearing tight clothes is to display your good-looking body to the world. The nicer the body is, the better it will look with the tight clothes. On the other hand, there is a point where putting on tight clothing makes you look uglier than ever. That is when you are a whale. When your body is so big that it curls over itself in order to store fat, it is best to hide that fact and put something more loose on.
Stop trying to blind me, and put some clothes on, fatty.
Claiming “Fat” As a Handicap
Going out and seeing cars parked in handicap spots only to walk in and see that it is a fat person who is also riding around on the store’s electric cart. Being lazy and overeating is not a handicap. Perhaps walking the extra twenty feet to your car and standing on your feet with a shred of dignity will do you some good.
Kanye West
I know he’s not a thing, he’s more of an entity… at least in his own mind he is. First there was “George Bush hates Black People.” Then there were the ridiculous glasses, among other things, and then—and this is where I decided that beyond a doubt I hate him—there were the 2009 VMAs. Where he stole the mic and the stage from Taylor Swift as she accepted her award for best female video and said “Taylor, I’m really happy for you. I’ll let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!” He is pompous. Just stop already. You’re annoying.
2012 Doomsday
I hate when people think the world’s going to end in 2012. Get it together, people! Nobody can predict what’s going to happen in the future.
Comments on Teacher Salaries
I have had enough. The very first thing people say when telling them you’re a teacher is, “Oh, you can’t make very much money teaching.”
Is it really all just about money? Many people seem to think they are experts on the public school system because they went through it. It’s like saying you’re an expert on aviation because you take airplane rides frequently.
People spout off these comments without any knowledge on the subject whatsoever. Granted, I do not make a senior banker’s salary, but I hate that my salary is compared to that of someone working at McDonald’s. Everyone reiterates the importance of education, but we do not respect teachers. Before anyone decides that they are an expert on public education, they should spend a few months teaching instead of just making back seat observations.
People Who Think They’re Entitled
So our school had the bright idea to give our senior class (15+ kids) Kindles from Amazon.
I swear, they never should have told us about them before we got them.
Because we had to wait a week or so for them to arrive and be calibrated by our school’s tech support, there were of course the ones that got impatient.
“Man, they better give me my f***n’ Kindle today!” is a statement I heard from one such impatient girl.
It made me pretty mad. You are not entitled to this—this is a gift, a very expensive gift.
Personally, I hope she breaks it and has to pay the five hundred dollar fee.
