I hate that I honestly donâ€™t understand myself. I have a good boyfriend, heâ€™s sweet, smart, caring, kind, funny and good looking, yet I canâ€™t help but compare him to my ex-boyfriend. Why? Iâ€™m completely over my ex, or so I thought, but I canâ€™t get him out of my mind. I hate that I have starve myself then binge and purge. I hate that I cut myself. I hate that whenever I have something good going for me, I sabotage myself. I hate myself because Iâ€™ve turned to drugs, drinking and suicide attempts since I was 13 (I am now turning 17). I hate myself because I know all these things are wrong and I shouldnâ€™t do them but I canâ€™t stop myself. I hate myself because I donâ€™t want to.