When People Say Anorexia is Stupid

Yes, I am anorexic, no, it is not stupid. I can’t help it, I’m terrified of gaining weight. You want to know why? Because I don’t want to have that feeling of insecurity I had when I was ugly. I still feel ugly when I look on my mirror. Each pound I lose, the happier I get. I’m sick and tired of feeling weak and vulverable when I do eat. As bad as I absolutely need to gain weight, I can’t. I just can’t! I can’t explain anything about it to anybody without them understanding… I can’t even explain as I’m typing this. I wish people wouldn’t say “I understand”—you don’t. Others who are in my similar position do understand, but you don’t. I can’t stand hearing my sister saying “You need to eat more, this is ridiculous” or, “You’re too skinny.” Don’t tell me I’m skinny until I feel skinny enough. I can’t do this. How many times do I have to say, “I can’t”? I’m not that strong, healthy girl I used to be. Never in a million years would I have done this to my body and mind unless I felt absolutely awful and disgusted about myself. I’m sorry you don’t understand us anorexics. But most of all… I’m sorry you don’t understand how difficult this lifestyle is for me and the many anorexics/bulimics out here in this world.