Things That I Hate

Santa Claus Deniers

It still angers me today how people’s attitudes can change from one of certainty to one of cynical absurdity. Yes, there was once a time when we all believed in Santa Claus; when we were all filled with excitement and joy on that special day. Do you remember waking up especially early to a stocking full of awesome presents? Or even staying up as late as you could, just to get a glimpse of the man himself?

The thing that annoys me most about these cynics is their ignorance of hard evidence; putting the debate of his existence beyond doubt. To those of you wondering how he gets down the chimney: well, he doesn’t. This was in fact a myth started by angry youths who did not receive the presents they requested one year. Santa actually uses advanced breaking and entering techniques. On top of this, the scientific community has unanimously decided Santa Claus is real. The physicist Thomas Pittebread once said: “Denying Santa Claus is like denying gravity.”

I suppose I should not really care about these disgusting acts of denial, they’re not exactly harming anyone, are they? However, this statement could not be more wrong. These sick people actually could one day cause the destruction of Christmas itself. As we all know from the film Elf, Santa’s sleigh runs on Christmas spirit. As a result of these deniers being so intent on not even considering the notion of Santa Claus coming to bring them presents, Christmas spirit has sharply decreased by about 13 percent every year since 2007. Imagine what it could be like if this trend continues, and Santa could no longer ride his sleigh. Misery, unhappiness, and dullness would be extremely common, I assure you.

Perhaps I would not mind the Santa Claus deniers themselves if they weren’t so disturbingly smug. They prance around thinking they’re so clever for ruining some innocent child’s life by telling them lies about Santa Claus’ existence.

The word “sick” comes to mind when I hear stories like this, but then I realise sick doesn’t even begin to describe the vile acts of Santa Claus deniers. I find it difficult to even start to express my hatred towards them! So instead of ranting on any further, I’ll leave you a quote from Saint Nick himself: “You can perceive my existence however you wish. However, should you not believe in me, then surely your presents will not exist either?” I hope such a threat will scare all deniers in to changing their opinion, but until then we’ll just have to put up with them….

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  1. I hate it when Santa Claus uses my chimney as an expressway.

    • by Shamma Llama
    • 1 May 2016, 11:33 AM

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