Having an Eating Disorder

The constant counting of calories, binging, purging, crying, depression, the feeling of food in your stomach, nobody understanding, not being able to explain the tears you cry, everything. I want this to end. I want this demon out of my mind, but it’s never going to happen unless I get help… but as sickening as it sounds, I don’t want to lose this anorexia. It’s what helps me feel the slightest bit beautiful, even when I do feel like a failure.