Going Red

When I get embarrassed or when somebody embarrasses me, my face goes red. And then someone goes and points it out, which makes me feel even worse.

Sundays

Everything opens late and closes early. Some stores don’t even open. You always have tons of homework to do because no one does homework on Friday night or Saturday. You know that you’ll be exhausted the next day and you usually start your Sunday hungover.

Being Fussed at for Table Manners

Okay, maybe I burp out loud, and I slurp my soup, and maybe I chew with my mouth open, and sometimes I’ll eat with my fingers. But it’s not like I’m gonna be Miss Manners. And my friends will say, “Why can’t you eat like a girl?!” Well, I never acted like one in the first place! So just don’t look when I chow down my plate of Alfredo, haters!

Misleading Guys

Okay, so you text me nonstop for at least three months, then we confess to each other that we like each other, but everything’s still cool because we’re just gonna be friends because of the distance. Then you just stop. Stop texting, stop flirting on Facebook, everything. That’s cool, I guess—I mean I’m not totally crushed or anything. Psh—no big deal, right? And guys say girls are confusing.

Girlfriends (Sometimes)

They get mad at you for saying they look “fine”, and they get mad if you talk to or just look at another girl.

When Stud Earrings Poke You

I used to love studs, but when I got a desk job I couldn’t wear them, because the back of the studs kept poking me when I put the office phone to my ear.

People Who Talk All the Time

For example, my brother. He wants to hang out, so he comes in my room and starts talking about boring crap for hours while I’m on Facebook. And he doesn’t shut his mouth for a second, no matter how many times I tell him “hey, talk to me later, I’m busy” or “please stop talking, I need to concentrate on my thoughts” or “seriously! Shut up!” Nothing can make him close his mouth.

Parents Believing the Little Sister

This is a true story.

My little sister said, “can I have your iPod Touch?”

I said, “no, you have your own.”

She took it anyway.

“I said you couldn’t have it!”

“I know. I ignored you.”

I took it back. She started hitting me with the TV remote. I stuck out my foot to keep her away and it hit her in the chest.

She then said, “Mom! Alex kicked me in the eye on purpose!”

And my mom said, “Go to your room! You’re grounded!”

Religion

It’s a waste of time. Why waste useful money on stupid churches? It angers me. Then you pray to the air. There is no god. We are alone in this world. So stop being crazy and wasting your time.

Getting Presents For No Reason

A girl in my grade had a camping birthday party last year and didn’t invite me. The thing is, her actual birthday was four months earlier. She didn’t have a party then, so she thought she could just have people come and bring her presents some other time and say it was for her birthday. I’m glad I wasn’t invited because then I would have to buy the little brat a gift when it wasn’t even her birthday.